Day 18: First Reformed

I saw this yesterday and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. It’s perfection in execution, it’s deliberate camera movements. The precision of it all. All so meticulous for the purpose of reaffirming what we mostly know, the world is royally fucked.


The brutality, the visceral nature is so gloom that it puts you in a daze for sure. But what Schrader is saying is pure fact. Scientific fact that can’t just be separated from faith. Because it’s true. If we knew these things, how have we not acted to course correct? Where was the church? And how can God forgive us?

But how can we forgive ourselves? God by the way he was built by us, for us, is going to absolve us all (apparently, if he exists, I’m a not a believer, but I went to a catholic school, I know a bit) but can we do so to ourselves?

We are always our toughest critics, and we treat ourselves the worst. So maybe not, some do reform and and get better while others get lost in the blackness of it all. And feel that despair. But as Hawke’s character says, it’s how we learn to balance that with the hope. It’s not always easy, but we do, cause we are survivors. By definition, by evolution, we are doomed to survive.

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